Friday, April 19, 2013

April 2013 Blog Chain

I thought it would be fun to participate in this month's blog chain at Absolute Write  .  The topic of the month is April Fools.  I had a blast writing, and can't wait to do it again. 

So.....Here's my story:


Lindsay adjusted the prosthetic baby bump, tugging at the Velcro straps that were chaffing her back. Putting it on before leaving wasn’t the brightest decision she’d ever made. She could have stopped somewhere close to her parents house to do it. It would have been smarter than driving four hours in a hot car.

She’d dealt with her fair share of criticism from her family over the years. If it wasn’t one thing it was another. In their eyes, she was doomed to be a failure regardless of what choices she made in life.

"Majoring in art is foolish," her father would tell her. She couldn’t count how many times she’d heard him say, "Art is not a career, it’s a hobby. Slopping paint on a canvas will not pay the bills. Why can’t you go to nursing school like your cousin Allison?"

Nevermind the fact that blood totally grossed her out. God forbid she cut her legs shaving in the shower. If the sight of blood wasn’t bad enough, add water to it. It thinned out, making a tiny drop seem like a gallon. Just the thought made her cringe.

It wasn’t just her father who was on her case all of the time, her mother was no better. Every guy she’d ever brought home was a "street punk". It didn’t matter if they belonged to an affluent family, or she actually did find them in the ghetto. Nothing she ever did was right.

So, Lindsay decided it was time to show them how bad things really could  be. If her plan worked the way she hoped it would, maybe they would change their tune. It couldn’t possibly make it worse, she knew that much.

As she pulled up to their picture perfect three-story Tudor, the first hint of nervousness twisted in her gut. It was not the time to be nervous. She took a moment or two to brace herself, breathing deeply before she exited the car.

No one rushed out to greet her with open arms. No doubt they’d rush out for Allison, the perfect one, the daughter they wish they had. With her back straight and a determined face, Lindsay marched up the flagstone steps to the front door.

Not bothering to ring the bell, she walked right into the foyer with its cheery yellow walls. It was her childhood home after all, she shouldn’t need to be invited in. Knowing exactly where her parents would be, Lindsay made a beeline for the kitchen, cutting straight through the dining room.

As usual her father was sitting at the small table with a newspaper in hand and a steaming cup of coffee at his side. Her mother was busy at her mixer whipping up some confection or other for whatever bake sale she’d volunteered for that week.

"Hi Mom. Hi Dad," Lindsay shouted her enthusiastic greeting.

Her father lowered his paper and her mom turned around, their movements almost simultaneous. Both wore pleasant expressions until their eyes eventually zeroed in on the obvious roundness of Lindsay’s abdomen. There was no mistaking it as the unfortunate result of eating too many cupcakes.

Lindsay first glanced at her mother, noticing the way her lips puckered and twisted like she’d been sucking on a lemon wedge. That was nothing compared to the death glare her father was giving her.

"Christ, Lindsay, what damn mess have you gotten yourself into now?" His voice was rough and demanding.

"What? I thought you’d be excited. You’ve always talked about having grandbabies to spoil rotten. So...I decided to give you one," Allison replied with a sweet smile.

"Are you telling me that this was intentional?" His fury intensified. "What the hell is wrong with you? Who’s the deadbeat that knocked you up?"

"Of course it was intentional. There’s no deadbeat, Daddy. I tried with about a dozen different guys, but nothing took. It was really wearing me out, so I decided to go the artificial route. Do you know how easy it is to get some little swimmers from the sperm back? The doctors just shoot it up in there, you wait around a couple weeks, and voila," she gestured at her baby bump.

"Now, how exactly are you planning on taking care of this child? That’s what I really want to know," her father continued with the raised voice and dagger shooting.

"Oh, that’s easy. I have it all planned out." Lindsay looked from her father to her mother with a big grin on her face. "I’m obviously going to have to drop out of school. I’ll move back home with you. I figured once the baby is in kindergarten I could get a part time job at the Quik Mart. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?"

Her father’s face turned a bright shade of red and she swore she could see the steam coming out of his ears. Her mother stood as still as a statue with the  rubber spatula still in her hand, as every last bit of color drained from her face.

"Did you really think that we’d...we’d...just support this," he stuttered. "You’ve done some stupid things, but this...this..."


The moment the words left her mouth, a terrible crash sounded. Lindsay jerked her head to the right to find her mother sprawled across the kitchen floor, out cold, frosting splattered everywhere.

Her plan had worked!


Check out the posts from the other participants:
Participants and posts:
orion_mk3 - (link to post)
Ralph Pines - (link to post)
Angyl78 - (link to post)
Araenvo - (link to post)
MsLaylaCakes - (link to post)
Lady Cat - (link to post)
Lyra Jean - (link to post)
Sudo_One - (link to post)
articshark - (link to post)
Ghostwriter-Mom - (link to post)
AngelaGreenfield - (link to post)

Bumped:Bloo - (link to post)
in_one - (link to post)
egoodlett - (link to post)




  1. LOL Love it! This was absolutely wonderful!

    And ironically, I have a friend who gave up art to go to nursing school to get away from her family. I will definitely be showing her this story. :-)

    Well done!

  2. Damn! Revenge is best served cold.

  3. I LOVED this story. The parents sucked and the April Fools trick on them had me giggling.

  4. Oh man!! That was awesome! I was so waiting for her parents reaction.

  5. Lol. That was awesome. I giggled through most of it. Great job!

  6. Had me laughing...I loved what she did to them. They totally deserved it.

  7. I half-expected you to write that Momma had a stroke :) I wonder how this story would work as a reversal, with the reader thinking the *pregnancy* is the big revenge joke until a final reveal...

    Oh, and a few lil typos I caught: parents for parent's, back for bank.

    1. That is something I could play around with. Thanks for pointing out the typos. To be honest, I was running out of time to post this. I wrote it in maybe 20 minutes, so it was a brief edit. Not like I catch half of my typos anyway! I found the parents one, but not the other. Oh well.